After hospitalization For Alcoholism in March 2000 I returned home to confront still another test of my power and soul. I slowly slid to the very dark world of depression, anxiety and nervousness. Addiction of the body and mind and Symptoms of Stress depression had taken it is toll free. My Stress of past history and also the fear of been drunk and depressed became my own reality. As the weeks passed the expectation of a return to a regular life was crushed as a black cloud again hovered over my head. Without the crutch of this beverage I turned into the twilight world of non-prescription and prescription pills.
My loved ones needed to endure by yet again and watch me reduced to a babbling casing of a guy. Weakened by my struggle to control my drinking I crumbled in the face of the new enemy. It stripped me of my dignity, respect and hope for a return into the land of the living. From Xmas 2000 I had been in every manner, dead man walking. Each day seemed an infinite hell in the world and as with depressants I retreated into my own personal world of psychotic hallucinations, voices and dreams. Suicide began to be a very real choice, the final traditional act of despair. Visits to a range of psychiatrist and psychologists had not helped. Anti-depressants, sleeping pills, sedatives and tranquilizers had just bought me a time, but that I was ready to crack wide open.
On a sunny summer’s afternoon in March 2001 in my home city of Margate, Natal I found the strength to take a seat facing my G.P. I cried like a baby as I poured my heart out. He stood up and came to me and place his hands on my shoulder. Alan, I think that it is time to try out Shock therapy. My head fell onto my knees as I attempted to do so in. I actually had reached the very end of the street. That is my account my experience of this anxiety inspiring remedy of E.C.T. Electric Convulsive Therapy, popularly called Shock therapy. It had been nearly a Perfect summer’s day at Margate however my time of reckoning was here. It will be time for you to put off on the trip to Entabeni Hospital in Durban. As I hurried my Estate Agency in the house I plunked myself in my desk at the office, shut my eyes and listened to the noise of my heart beating quickly.